only when spring comes
by TolkienGirl
Summary: Paterson, 2016. A day in the life, a day in poetry, and maybe something more. [Paterson/Laura]


_Today_

You scratch it out, then write it again. Not a bad name for a poem.

 _Today_

 _Today I saw three birds sitting_

 _Next to each other on the branch of a dead tree._

 _The tree has been dead since the winter, only_

 _no one could tell when all the other trees looked dead, too._

 _It is only when spring comes and the leaves start to unfold_

 _that we can know_

...

There are more stops than usual this morning. A woman with a baby on her hip and multicolored braids twisted in a high bun fumbles in her purse for change.

You say, "Take your time."

...

6:10. You woke just at the right moment this morning. The sun had leaked through an opening in the curtains and fell in a golden coin on Laura's shoulder.

You covered the spot with your lips.

It was the right moment, and you sighed.

...

 _It is only when spring comes and the leaves start to unfold_

 _that we can know what is alive and what is not._

 _..._

"Hey, Paterson."

"Hey, Doc. You're taking the bus now?"

Doc heaves a sigh. You think he looks different outside the Bar. The Bar is a part of him. "Just for today. The wife has the car."

"OK." You nod, and Doc sinks into a seat, looking small.

...

 _Today is the first day_

 _Today is like the first day I kissed you._

 _I remember a brick wall, and a cracked sidewalk, and you_

 _you were wearing a dress with flowers on it that you had made. It had three buttons that were different sizes._

 _I felt them_

 _under my hand when I pulled you close to me._

 _..._

Your neck hurts, a little. Bus drivers get back aches and neck aches, but probably not more than the rest of the people who drive. You try to sit up straight, make something crack back into place.

Every night, Marvin sits in the chair that is supposed to be yours.

But the sofa has more room for Laura, and Laura has more heart for Marvin, so you don't say anything about it.

...

 _I felt them_

 _under my hand when I pulled you close to me._

 _Two of the buttons were circles, like most buttons are. One was a diamond._

 _They were hard. You were soft._

 _Your mouth_

 _..._

When you walk up the front steps at night you don't think about cities that aren't here. Laura wants Nashville.

She used to want New York.

You want Laura, so it is all well. All is well.

...

 _They were hard. You were soft._

 _Your mouth opened under mine like a flower._

 _..._

"Darling?"

Her voice is trembling. You don't go to the couch and take off your shoes like you always do, you go into the kitchen and put your hands under her elbows.

"Hi, honey. What's the matter?"

"I want to talk to you."

Marvin snarls.

"OK." You don't smell anything cooking. Maybe this means pizza.

She leads the way to couch and moves aside two pieces of canvas that are drying. There are faces on them. One is obscured by a cloud of curling dark hair.

The other looks like it's all nose and ears.

"Is that me?"

"Do you like it? It's your beautiful nose." Her voice steadies a little, your Laura's voice. She runs the pad of her thumb down your nose and presses it against your lips. "They're not finished yet."

"What do you want to talk about?"

"I have something to tell you."

Laura always has something to tell. She has an entire universe that lives inside her. You just have the universe around you, but you try to write it down.

"You can tell me." You gather her hands in your hands, like some people gather flowers, and you press them to your lips.

"I went to the pharmacy today, because I have been feeling a little…weird. In my stomach."

"Are you OK?"

"I don't know if I am OK." She looks down, she looks up.

 _..._

 _Your lips were the flower and mine would be the sun, only_

 _you are also the sun._

 _..._

You wait.

"I got a test at the pharmacy, I did it today. It was a do-at-home test."

You can feel your breath getting a little shorter, one-two, one-two, like a child pumping his legs on a swing. Higher, higher.

"And what was the test for?"

She pulls her hands out of yours and presses her fingers over her mouth, splaying them like sunrays. "Honey."

"Yeah, honey?"

"We're pregnant."

...

 _you are also the sun._

 _The three birds sitting next to each other did not stay there very long._

 _Two flew away together, and one followed. Maybe they knew each other._

 _They were sitting close._

 _.._

"Pregnant? Us?"

"Yeah. Yeah, the tests came out positive. I bought two."

You think about taking back her hands, and then you just take all of her, so that her legs are across your lap and your lips are pressed right into the hollow of her shoulder and you don't move because you don't have to move when you're this happy.

Laura keeps laughing, and then she cries a little, and you just stay there.

You just stay there, sitting close.


End file.
